Hello my friend, aren’t you glad it’s Friday   Well today I’m happy to introduce Tina “The Book Lady” to you.  I believe in the passion she has for families, reading, and building relationships.  Here she is…

Hi! My name is Tina Peterson and I am also known as The Book Lady to my customers and their kids. My passion is literacy and reading and sharing those passions with others. I have 2 blogs: http://familyliteracyandyou.bl… which is dedicated to encouraging strong family relationships through reading and playing together and giving to others.

Throughout the year, I do literacy booths and homeshows/bookfairs to help schools and families get FREE books and manipulatives for home and classroom. I am in the process of adding the line of SylvanDell Publishing to my bookfairs for preschools & elementary schools & I’m really excited about that as they share/teach math/science concepts through stories.

I also have another blog: http://givingnsharing.blogspot… which focuses on family friendly product reviews and giveaways.

Take a moment to stop by Tina’s blogs and get to know her a bit.  And my friend, have an incredibly blessed weekend!

Today I get the privilege to announce the winner of the Coffee or Brownies January giveaway!

Are you ready?

Drumroll, please…

Out of 59 qualified entries, random.org chooses #26…

Andrea G. – congratulations!  Watch for an email from me

To help you get to know Andrea a little bit better, here’s an introduction:

“Hello! My name is Andrea, have 3 kids with one last one on the way! Four is it! I’m a full time work at home mom who is trying to go to part time after the birth of our fourth. No blog, just a blog reader, giveaway contestant and quite possibly a neurotic mom! LOL! Oh, and peanut butter cup ice-cream is my absolute favorite!”

Hope you had fun with this giveaway, have a GREAT weekend!

Hey there, Happy Friday!

It’s nearing the end of this first month of 2011…

Let’s end it with a blast and embrace the new year with all that it has to offer!  We’re giving away a $10 Starbucks gift card or a box of delicious gourmet brownies to one of you!

The Rules

Required Entry: Leave a comment sharing what you’d like to receive – a $10 Starbucks gift card or a box of gourmet brownies.  And tell me what’s your favorite reason to go to Starbucks?

Optional extra entries: Once you’ve done the required entry, you may do as many of these extra entry options as you’d like!  Leave a separate comment for each entry.

**I’m entering a photo contest to win a ticket to a happenin’ business event in Orlando, FL!  I’m beyond excited…I’d appreciate your help to get me there!  Follow steps 1 and 2 below – 3 entries

1. LIKE the page Real Savvy Success at http://www.facebook.com/realsavvysuccess

2. LIKE my photo at http://on.fb.me/dSF4Z1

• Follow me publicly on Google Friend Connect – 1 entry (leave me a comment saying you now follow or already do)
• Follow my blog on Networked Blogs – 1 entry (leave me a comment saying you now follow or already do)
• Like my Facebook fan page – 1 entry
• Follow me on twitter @jinnialow – 1 entry (leave username)
• Tweet the giveaway using:  Help @jinnialow get to Orlando! Coffee or Brownies Giveaway http://bit.ly/fdC0XX (may be done once daily – 1 entry, leave direct url to tweet)
• Introduce yourself right here, then come back here and leave 2 separate comments – 2 entries

Giveaway Ends on 1/27/11

Winner will be chosen using random.org and announced next Friday, 1/28/11.  Be sure to leave me your email so I can contact you if you win!  You’ll have 48 hours to claim your prize after I email you or another random winner will be chosen using the same method.  Good luck!

And have a wonderful weekend!

Hey there, it’s been a while since I held a giveaway for you!  After attending a Women in Business luncheon, I was inspired by the keynote speaker, Lori Butterworth who created Jacob’s Heart to provide support to families of children with cancer.  She’s had 3 featured appearances on the Oprah Winfrey show.

And in the spirit of this Christmas season, I want to reach out to children in need of smiles – through you.

So I’m giving away a $5 Starbucks gift card or a box of delicious gourmet brownies to one of you!

The Rules

Required Entry: Go to Make A Child Smile and choose 1 child to send a card to.  Then go to my website and send a card to encourage that child (it’s on me including postage).  Be sure to read the instructions and do’s and don’ts about sending mail to the child.  Leave a comment here sharing the name of the child you sent a card to.

Optional extra entries: (Once you’ve done the required entry, you may do as many of these extra entry options as you’d like!)  Leave a separate comment for each entry.

~Follow me publicly on Google Friend Connect – 1 entry (leave me a comment saying you now follow or already do)

~Subscribe by email (must activate) – 2 entries (leave me 2 separate comments saying you have subscribed or already do)

~Follow my blog on Networked Blogs – 1 entry (leave me a comment saying you now follow or already do)

~Like my Facebook fan page – 1 entry

~Follow me on twitter @jinnialow – 1 entry (leave username)

~Tweet the giveaway – may be done once daily, include @jinnialow – 1 entry (leave direct url to tweet)

~Introduce yourself right here, then come back here and leave 2 separate comments – 2 entries

Giveaway Ends on 12/16/10

Winner will be chosen using random.org and announced next Friday, 12/17/10.  Be sure to leave me your email so I can contact you if you win!  You’ll have 48 hours to claim your prize after I email you or another random winner will be chosen using the same method.  Good luck!

Today’s video is Day 13 – A Fictional Book

Have a wonderful weekend!

Recently I was asked a question that made me think.

I thought so long and hard about it that I want to share it as a post with all of you.

Here’s the question:

What do you think is most important in order to have and maintain a successful marriage year after year?

I believe the answer varies for each person because of different circumstances.

Personally for my husband and me, the over-arching “ingredient” is being willing to meet each other’s needs.

In order for us to do that, there are all kinds of “ingredients” we need to make that happen.

Things like…

• time alone with each other, free of distractions
• listening to each other intentionally
• asking each other engaging questions
• putting ourselves in each other’s shoes
• doing something funny to break tense moments
• remembering each other’s good qualities

Yes, it’s about communication.  But I believe there’s a deeper angle…

Perceived communication.

Here’s a suggestion if you want to experience this.  It’s helpful and kinda fun.

Pretend you are your spouse for the day.

Whatever you say to or do for your spouse today, imagine yourself receiving those words or action.  Notice how you might feel if you were in your spouse’s shoes today.

It gives incredible insight into how we can better ask questions, listen to, and meet each other’s needs.  Also a great way to prepare our hearts for Valentine’s Day.

What about for you?

What do you think is most important in order to have and maintain a successful marriage year after year?

If you have a comment, we’d love to hear it below!

What happens when 2 close friends experience their own difficulties during the day, separate from each other?

That’s what happened with my husband and me yesterday.  He at work – I at home.  We happened to be at a peak of difficulty in each of our respective circumstances.  And what ensued was him coming home already frazzled and needing me to comfort him.  I, on the other hand, was in physical pain and emotional exhaustion mode.  Whereas we normally can put ourselves in each other’s shoes, on this particular day we were not able to see from the other’s viewpoint.

What followed was not pretty.  We had the first argument we’ve had in YEARS.  I love my husband and children so much – but this reminded me I’m not perfect.  No one is.  Another great reminder – ask for help.  The cool thing is, I’ve got a wonderful network of friends who will pray for me and my family.  That is honestly what keeps me going, is the power of the Spirit of God working through my weaknesses and giving me strength.

My husband and I are close friends.  We know the most about each other than anyone else, and we still love to hang out and talk and have dates.  What makes things hard is when time squeezes us, difficult situations, and extreme tiredness.  Who can’t relate to this?

Awesome thing – late last night we talked and today we enjoyed our day together, asking questions to understand what actually happened with each of us.

I asked him, “How can I support and affirm you better?  What specific areas?”

He answered, “I’m not sure.  Maybe my personhood?  My gifts and talents?”

Funny thing – the chapter I left off reading in ‘The Power Of A Praying Wife’ is about praying for His Self-Image, which addresses a man’s gifting and opportunities.

I believe as his wife, I play a huge role when I respect and honor my husband in his gifts and talents – to get out there and shine like a star in the universe!

*Note:  This post is directed towards the Safe Haven community, but you’re welcome to hang out and listen in.

Assumption #1 – It’s selfish to have my needs met.

From 12 Christian Beliefs That Can Drive You Crazy…

Hey guys,

It was great Skyping with you all to discuss this first chapter of the book!

Great discussion!  I appreciate your insights, questions and thirst to dive deeper into this topic.

And this is what this page is for:  Accountability in between the times that we meet.

I believe we could dialogue even more about the ideas presented about our needs.

To recap:

We talked about Jim on p. 21 who was so emotionally self-sufficient that it became tough on his marriage.  How his resourcefulness and responsibility actually made him appear arrogant to his wife and contributed to isolating herself from him.

We talked about Karen on p. 24 who struggled with emotional isolation in her marriage and her church.  How we personally also feel “weird” when our father hugs us or calls us up just to talk.

We talked about needs vs. wants and Psalm 37:4.  How do we delight in God?

We talked about some tools in our toolkit of how we can respond to people who are not doing well.  When we ask, “How are you doing?”  And they answer, “Okay, I guess.  Can’t complain.”  Then how can we respond in love?

One tool was to listen to them share their struggle and say, “Can I pray for you?”

Another tool was to be observant of them to see if we can ask them a question to allow them to share and be listening, which is an advanced skill.

Great stuff guys!  I’m encouraged by your sharing.  Yet I sense that there’s more meat in the chapter.  So feel free to jump in and make comments directly below this post.  We welcome more observations, insights or questions that you may have along the journey.  We can keep the discussion going until next time we meet.

Questions to ponder and answer in time:

1.  What are your needs?

2.  Are you asking for what you need?

3.  Do you have a hard time asking for help and support?

4.  Is there anything that you struggle to give freely because you yourself have not received it yet?  (We’re talking about receiving deep within your being, not just in your head.)

It’s been 1 week since the end of the 21-day Compliment Experiment.  You may be wondering how things have been going since then.  After all, it takes 21 days for a new good habit to stick.  Did it stick?

I discovered that it takes more than the behavioral change of speaking the compliments.  What needs to happen in conjunction is a deeper level of awareness & change of any root issues that make it consistently difficult to speak the compliment.  For instance, I seemed to have slid backwards in complimenting my household.  In fact, I have said negative things to my children and hubby within this past week.  Does this mean the experiment backfired?

After a few more days of searching and identifying my root issues with this, I realized something profound.  The behavioral changes of complimenting need to be accompanied by changes in the root system.  What do I mean by that?  The negative words I spoke were symptoms of a root issue I had with my hubby and children.  As I asked my God about it, I traced it to a resentment I had for years that I didn’t know I had.  I had complied with what I thought my husband wanted in terms of good cooking.  I worked hard on my behavior to achieve what I thought a good wife & mom would do for her husband & children.  The root issue was doing things for their approval.  The anger & resentment surfaced in the form of negative words that on the surface seemed like regression from the positive experiment.  But guess what?  The experiment served as a much-needed catalyst to show me what was in my root system that hindered healthier relationships with my household.  It was a positive forward movement toward lasting change because it is happening at the root where all our beliefs that drive behavior are formed.  What a huge and profound discovery!

To my daughter

Thank you for putting down your lunch bag.

I admire how you can write such amazing sentences!

Thank you for being kind.

What a beautiful cake!

Thank you for being grateful.  (that I let them play @ the park for 10 minutes)

To my son

Thank you for putting your sharing bag in the bin.

Thank you for helping out with the cups.

Nice jump!

Great listening ears!  (for cleaning up his ball game)

You guys are so sweet to each other.

You kids are such great kids!

To my hubby

That’s what I love about you.  I can be me around you and share my weaknesses.

Observations

Woo-hoo!  This officially marks the final day of the 3-week experiment.  It has been such a wonderful experience!  It feels great to compliment others, especially my own household full of the people I love most.  It’s giving a word of encouragement that lifts and builds each other up.  I love being a person to stand for using the power of my tongue to give life.

To my daughter

Thank you for understanding.

You found the monkey!  Good job.  (Trader Joe’s monkey)

To my son

Thank you for folding the circle.

To my hubby

Thank you for folding the clothes!

Observations

I almost forgot to be positive with my household today.  It takes energy & effort but what comes of it is awesome!  Main reason I didn’t put as much energy here today, is that I spent a lot of my energy leading the music for my church.  You see, as an introvert, the challenge is to balance time & energy among the most important people & tasks in my life.  What I can say is that the wonderful habit of complimenting my household has helped me to improve my attitude tremendously.

One of the questions I wanted to ask the church today was, “How many of you indeed have a hard time receiving a compliment?”  I did not end up asking this question, and there’s probably a reason for it that I do not yet understand.  My guess is that most of them would have raised their hand – to say yes, I do have a hard time taking compliments.  Why?  People of Chinese descent do not often give compliments, at least not the ones who have immigrated to the U.S.  As a result, their children end up not receiving compliments, praise or feedback for what they do.

Because the children did not receive compliments or emotional support, the children also have a hard time giving genuine compliments to one another.  What comes out of their lips is either quiet confusion, or on the other side of the pendulum, a sense of one-upping each other, putting each other down “out of love” – perhaps thinking, deceived, that this might help them to be better and work harder.  Hmm…sounds familiar to what many immigrant Chinese parents do – they don’t say that their child is smart when in fact he is.  Instead, they say he’s worthless, or compare him to his cousin, or don’t say anything at all, maybe as a way to motivate him to work harder in school and be better?  It doesn’t happen in every Chinese family, but I’ve observed it in a lot of them.  By the way, 93% of all communication is non-verbal, so the children can actually feel in their spirit the disapproval & criticism coming from the parent even when nothing is said.

I have come to a deeper understanding of why there is a lack of positive words being spoken – most of the Chinese immigrants start off very poor and they are motivated to work hard to make it financially for the sake of the next generation.  They have spent most of their energy to physically and financially provide for their family; they had little emotional energy left to give to their spouse and children.  They work hard, are extremely disciplined and no doubt love their children.  Many of them did not know the Lord.  So they themselves, have not had positive words spoken over them.  And now that I’m a parent, I know how much parents give out to their kids, so I have a greater appreciation for mine.  None of our parents are perfect, and we cannot expect them to be, or we’ll go through the rest of life blaming them for our imperfections.  We need to accept that we are imperfect, but we are LOVED and perfect in His sight.  We have to believe this, or we’ll struggle forever with our sense of self-worth.

We may have had negative words spoken over us during our growing-up years, and have to battle more with perfectionistic, critical & judgmental tendencies, but we can rise up with hope when we let our Abba help us soar the way He intended us to.  He regards us as amazing!  Remember, we only limit ourselves when we think we’re terrible, horrible, not-so-great, very bad people – albeit we have sin & make mistakes, we’re really created in His image to do awesome works, which He’s already prepared for us to do.

But the children of immigrant Chinese are not as hard-pressed to have the same kind of work ethic that their parents do.  They are not required to do whatever it takes to put the next meal on the table.  They did not see the type of suffering their parents had to endure.  They live in America, a land of plenty.  As a result, many do not have to develop a well-rounded discipline (yet).  It can be confusing to sift through their identity and purpose in life.  They are Chinese and American at the same time.  They are the sandwich generation – taking care of aging parents who may not understand the American way, and working to pass on hope & grace to their children without forgetting the Chinese way.  It can be confusing to figure out which culture to follow.

The wonderful thing is, God has given us the best culture of all to follow – HIS!  I love it that we can learn the best, and ditch the worst, of both cultures.  And over and above them is God’s culture.  That is the encouragement He gives me as I went through this Psychology Experiment – in which I struggled with the awkwardness of giving compliments in the beginning.  But now, Lord help me I will never stop giving encouragement and praise out of my lips.  Remember, life and death is in the power of the tongue.  Work harder on ourselves in this area, and we’ll grow sweeter fruit wherever we go, whatever we do – whether at home, at work, at church, overseas or in business.